I heard a saying once that went something to the effect of - If you have to take a leap of faith God will either catch you, or teach you how to fly. I totally believe this. I think the saying was worded a lot better, but the point is the same.
I've jumped several times when I wasn't really sure what was going to happen when I landed. A leap of faith is called that for a reason. You jump and it takes a lot of faith to realize it could go either way, but you trust you'll do your best and hope it'll all end up being OK.
I took many leaps in the past few years, but the one that always sticks out the most is the one when I was having my first child. I had the full time job with benefits and Aaron had just finished school and still couldn't find a job to do what he'd graduated for. It was that same old loop of trying to find a job after graduating with no or little experience and all of the positions required experience. The problem was he wasn't going to get the experience without getting the job. Well, that's where we were when we were nearing having our first child. I knew I didn't want to go back to work after having a child. Being raised in a traditional home with my mom being a stay at home mom I knew I was hoping to do the same for my kids. I just wasn't sure how to make that happen.
I had Joseph. 15 hours of labor and 3 1/2 of that pushing he came into this world ready to overcome everything. He's been amazing from day one. We've gone head on even from then because we both have strong personalities, but he's been the most amazing experience and blessing.
I was able to have a choice up to 4 months off after having him. Aaron was able to get a job finally, though not for what he'd gone to college for, and he was happy with his job. Joseph was born in September, Aaron got his job in November and my work called me in January.
The phone call from my supervisor went along the lines of her asking if I was coming back on Monday and me hesitating. I didn't know what to do. How could I leave this helpless little guy? Financially I didn't know if we'd be OK. We had bills from the hospital, my medial insurance and peace of mind would fly with my solid job. Aaron hadn't even had his job for 2 months yet. I was terrified and unsure. I remember taking a deep breath, holding it, saying a quick prayer and responding I wouldn't be back on Monday and wouldn't be coming back at all. She was not happy and was not hoping that was how it would play out, but I wasn't going to take it back. I didn't know how things could work out, but they'd have to now
I'm a planner. I like to plan things out as much as possible, for as far into the future as I can. I have learned to "plan variables." Children are an uncertain thing. You can have a planned life until you add someone else into the mix. Children are something you can't be sure of one day to the next. Sometimes you take one day at a time.
I'm happy to say now that I'm more than grateful it played out how it did. Joseph came right on time to make it play out the way it was supposed to. I realized looking back that if it hadn't played out like it did then we would've had a harder time had it played out differently. Amazing how some of our trying times can be some of our greatest blessings. What would I have done without that lesson?!
We can learn to fly in our lives. We can jump out into nothing and know there will be a way to overcome the moment. It does only last a moment in the scheme of life. I've learned a valuable lesson and so was willing to sacrifice and have 4 more of these boys. It's not that kind of world we live in. The world doesn't make room for many children, or having faith in much. I couldn't have gotten through without it though.
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