Boys of PHB

Boys of PHB
Barefoot boys

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


     My dad used to say, "Don't give up what you want most, for what you want at the moment."

     I thought I understood what he was talking about when I was young and he said it all the time. It wasn't until recently that I've revisited old memories and realized as a child I didn't fully grasp what he was trying to get through.

     As a child I thought he was talking about when I had 5 bucks and it was burning a whole in my pocket.  I really was trying to save for something, but I saw so many things I wanted at the moment.  It was easy to think, well, I really want that other thing I'm saving for, but I can save next time.

     He did mean that, but now I'm pretty sure that was just an example of something so much deeper and bigger. 

      I now have children, a mortgage, a marriage, work, things I'm trying to learn like piano and Spanish, church responsibilities and so much more on my plate it would take a whole blog to write down.  The thing is, what is the most important thing?

     I was thinking the other day, while going through a really hard time that I need to once again stay focused.  It's hard to stay focused and has been my whole life.  I have ADHD and thought I've learned to live with it and get through school and life it wasn't without difficulties.  That's another blog though.  What is my ultimate goal?  What am I really trying to reach?  What do I want to be doing in 20 years?  Where do I want to be in life?

     A person can only plan so much.  Life happens as they say.  However, planning is essential to making sure you do your best to get where you're wanting to go.  There was a poster I still remember on my Jr. High English teacher's wall.  It said, "If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else."  Another thing I think of often.  I can only do so much without planning.

     As far as planning, the same goes for not getting distracted.  I got distracted in school, often.  I got distracted in life, again, often.  I more than often got distracted while a teenager.  I have more than often gotten distracted while being an adult.  There are so many distractions in life.  Too many distractions with what's most important. 
     I really want to be able to raise my boys to be amazing men.  I know that's what everyone wants. All of us go about it differently.  Not all of us believe the same way, but we (as parents) all want our children to be amazing.  There are a  lot of distractions in this endeavor.  There are even more when it comes to marriage.  I really need to concentrate more on that desire and not get distracted.

     My first distraction as a youth was my friends and my stubborn opinions.  I had a hard time listening to those who cared about me most.  That has very greatly affected me now. 
      My distractions now are so many things.  Distractions from my family is mostly my time. I have such limited time and I have so very much I have my hands in.  Much of what I'm involved in is very important.  I love doing family history, temple work, crafts that improve our way of life, work (I teach breastfeeding).  I want to learn Spanish and get better at sign language because I love communication.  I want to learn piano because our church needs more people to do it and I've wanted to for most of my life.   Then we get to the money. There are so many places our money can go. I have wanted braces since I was 10, they aren't cheap and my 2 older boys are in them now, with my 3rd boy having to go into them soon.

     Where do I stop with the distractions? They are continuous.  They are never ending.  Where I ignore one another one creeps in.  Trying to stay focused is a strain sometimes. Then there is the thing with, "you need time for yourself."  It's true, we all need alone time.  But if I got me time as much as the world says I should I'd never be with my family ever.

     I'm now trying to remember that there is a time in life for everything.  I've chosen to have these children, this marriage and this life at this time.  These children won't be children forever, one day they will be adults.  I only have a few short years to teach them and help them make correct choices in their lives.  It goes by so quickly.  I realized today that the next time we vote fore a president (in 4 years) my oldest will be graduating high school.  I'm stunned. 

     I will get on the piano when I can, study Spanish where I can, but this family is my main priority.  There is tons to do with my time.  There is too much to do with my time. My hobbies can wait until I have more time on my hands.  I will do what I can when I can.  This time will be short and though the distractions are many I need to remember to stay focused.  It's the probably the hardest part.  The distractions are why I get so frustrated with my kids.  If I remember I have all the time in the world for them, it's a lot less frustrating.  The house can wait, my job can wait, my hobbies can wait, they are my life.  This is my world.  

     My family needs to be my distraction from all my distractions.  Focus, focus, focus.