Boys of PHB

Boys of PHB
Barefoot boys

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Expected vs. Accepted

     There is something that I'm working on and what usually brings me trouble or makes me shocked when I find things out about those I love.  Why don't things I see on the news shock me?  Why don't I feel as bad about things I find out go on in the world?  It's not only because I'm not as close to those people, or because I don't love the world.  I've come to accept that the world is a certain way and I can't change everything.  I can only work on making my little corner of the world better.  I'm not capable of changing everyone or everything.  I'm only, trying to do my best.
     I have a problem with people expecting certain things out of me and then getting mad when I don't perform to their expectations.  I would rather everyone just accept that I'm doing my best and trying hard all the time to do better.  So why do I do the expectation thing to others?  That's just wrong.
     Some things have come out lately with several people I've known for years.  Some have been friends, some have been family.  These things have shocked me and made me re-think things I thought I knew and believed about people.  I am still a learning and growing person (hopefully mostly spiritually and mentally).  I started thinking that I do this to others when I really want just acceptance from them.
     I usually try to look inward towards my own actions before I complain about others.  I don't want to have the same problem that bugs me in others so if I find I'm just as bad with something I'll either say that I hate that I do it too, or be aware that I don't do that.  I don't like what I saw when I looked into the mental mirror and realized that I expect certain behaviors from those I know.
     I have decided to try harder to just accept people for the people that they are.  Oh, I'll still complain, I'm sure.  I'll for sure still speak my mind and insult everyone.  It seems to be my talent in life.  I've just decided to accept things from people as they are.  I'll be less shocked from the things they do and less disappointed.  I am wanting to follow the advise to love the sinner, just not the sin.  That's a balance I've had a hard time with.  How do you separate something people do from who they are when sometimes they are who they are because of what they do?
     I've realized it's as simple as accepting them for who they are and still sticking to my beliefs and standing strong so they know what I believe and that I won't stand by certain things or support it.  I can still support someone when they are going through a hard time.  I can still support their emotions without being apart of bad choices or behaviors.  I can still love their souls and their hearts.
     I am determined that I will start accepting people for who they are and what they can become rather than expecting them to be a certain way based on past behaviors or what I thought I knew about them.  Previous opinions can interfere with happiness in so many ways.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


     So there are a lot of reasons I believe we shouldn't judge each other, but one reason has come out more and more the past few months.  My thinking this way more seriously lately started with my favorite author saying she likes to treat everyone she comes in contact with as if they are having the worst day of their life, cause they just might be.

     We never know what is in someones heart and mind.  We never know where they are coming from, or what kind of life or hard times have made them think the way they do.  We are here to help others and enjoy our time here, learn from our experiences and help others learn and grow and for all of us to become the best we can be. 
     When I feel judged or when someone says something mean or hurtful I usually usually hate it not only because I'm feeling judged, but also because they are usually just backing up every bad thought I've already had about myself.  So I am usually not wanting to say something mean and hurtful to someone because I'm concerned that I'll only be backing up some negative thought they've already had about them self.  It's hard to know if they haven't already not only had that thought, but wondered constantly if it was true or not.  Then the statement is said and there it is, their negative thought about themselves has just been solidified as a truth when it isn't necessarily true. 
     I've felt this way.  I've thought negative things about myself only to have someone say something later and I take it to heart thinking it must be true now.  I've really tried hard in the past few months to change my view of myself.  Now there is less negative to take to heart since my mind isn't focused that way anyway. 

     I do worry sometimes that my sarcasm will hurt feelings and I try to control it and make sure that everyone knows I'm joking and for certain refrain from saying things that could be taken to heart and could hurt.  I know I'm going to say things to offend, but I really am not a spiteful, hurtful person and don't like to be the cause of pain.

     I am a very opinionated and have strong views of what is right and wrong.  I'm certain I've said things that don't make everyone happy all of the time.  I'm a work in progress and hope everyone I know will accept that I'm working on it.  Though very opinionated I don't judge what others think as something that they shouldn't or something that makes them a bad person.  I'll argue and have fights over what I believe, but I don't want to hurt others by my actions.  I hope others can feel that through all of my opinions lies someone who loves people and believes we have a heart and it needs to be protected.  
     Therefore, I've taken to heart to try my best to treat everyone as if they are having the worst day of their lives, because they just might be,  That could explain a lot where some people are concerned.