Paths We Walk

When we're children and teens we see the path we're on as if in a forest.  There are trees and bushes in our way constantly.  No one there really gets why we feel how we do or why we want what we want.  It seems as if most things are more of a hindrance to who we really could be than a help. 

Then we reach a point in our childhood called adulthood.  We glance out into a lovely, wide expanse of a meadow.  It looks like we can do anything and be anything. It looks like there aren't any real paths to follow except the ones we create ourselves.  To a point that is true, but then we glance back into the forest of chaos that was our childhood and step out into the unknown, yet sought after freedom of being a grown up.

After that first step we suddenly realize that the meadow that we thought we were stepping into is yet another path we've already chosen for ourselves.  It is strewn with multiple pathways that we couldn't see from our jumping off place.  Suddenly adulthood is a confusing place and we realize that we're not sure which way to go.

As we go along the path we chose we realize some other pathways look much more inviting than the one we'er on.  Sometimes from where we're standing other pathways look much easier.  We notice that sometimes we stumble across paths that aren't our own and walk with others for a time.  Those times can lead us onto an easier time on our own path, or make us get lost trying to find the right one again.

Our path is our own.  If done right then our path can lead us to who we are supposed to be.  It can lead us to where we need to be in relation with others and our Heavenly Father.

I sometimes look back to ask myself how exactly I got to this point in my journey.  My path has widened to add others to my journey, while still being my own path.  I walk with my kids, but I can see the separation of pathways ahead and am not sure how I feel about it.  I'm thoroughly enjoying my adventure and am grateful for what I'm learning.

Along the way I've had people cross my path and sometimes I've walked a little way with them.  Sometimes all they've done is cross my path for a brief moment.  They have influenced me and helped me along, whether they knew it or not.  Sometimes even with an example or words to teach me how NOT to be. Still a lesson learned either way.

My path hasn't always been easy.  Often I've found the rockiest  times have been ones where I come out sore and tired, but with a grin on my face, knowing I've overcome that so the next one won't be so rough.  What I'm learning now is to grin WHILE I stumble and climb the rocky times.  Also, to help others up while I watch them climb a similar path.

Adulthood isn't what I'd thought it would be.  I really thought I'd be smarter, know more, at least feel like I have more wisdom than I did in my childhood.  I found, it's just more lessons along the way, just like then.  I'm learning right along with those around me.  My children have taught me more than I ever thought they could.  

This path I'm on now will teach me tons.  I had felt at peace with my life. I had a lot of twists and turns on my journey this past year and have changed a lot.  I really thought I'd be able to sit on my fallen log and take a sip of water, a deep breath and rest a moment.  It wasn't to be.  I'm off and running with the next big thing.  I'm nervous and not sure what this next turn in my path entails. It's things I've never done before and will certainly be an adventure.  

I'll just make sure I keep smiling and enjoy the trial I'm on through it all.

The abyss in the outer reaches of space

I always say I haven't traveled much, but I was re-thinking that today.

I realized that I have had the benefit and adventure of traveling to the furthest abyss and outreaches of space.  I have traveled where many go, but few realize they do. I have entered into another dimension and left my family for a time where they thought I would never return.  They have been so concerned for my safety and return that they have hunted me down and screamed my name in a panic.

I really had been thinking lately that this time in my  life had passed.  I thought my traveling days to the far reaches were behind me.  I was wrong as I discovered today.

You may be thinking I'm talking about stealing time to read a book.  Nope.  Those times are fun, but my family can usually pull be back.  You may think I take time for a nap, or to talk with a friend.  Nope, that's not it either.

I'm not even sure every parent goes through this.

I'm talking about taking a moment to use the bathroom.

As I type this I don't hear a thing from my kids.  It's the first official day of summer break and they are having fun doing whatever they want because I haven't made plans for anything until tomorrow.  I was able to water the lawn, do dishes, start laundry and take care of some other issues with few interruptions and no real emergencies.

I was in the bathroom for only a few seconds when my 11 year old starts running through the house screaming my name.  He sounds as if someone is hurt or there is some other emergency only I can take care of.  I obviously can't leave.  I scream back hoping through his screaming peals he'll hear me through the closed door.  No way.  I hear the back door slam as he runs in and out screaming "Mom"!!

(That's the other thing.  I'd love the name mom if it came with an endearing tone, but most of the time it sounds like an alarm going off.  Really?!  I love being a mom, but the tone the name is used to call me in, we are still working on. )

He finally realizes he hadn't checked the upstairs bathroom.  He'd checked everywhere else.  He comes down the hall and screams my name to the door.  I respond and must have used an exasperated tone because he asks if he can ride bikes with a friend (which had already been previously arranged and didn't seem like it required the screaming he had been doing)  and then apologizes for making me mad.  I tell him yes and then try to yell back that I'm not mad, but as I start I hear him run out the back door and the screen slamming shut.

I only had my 2 youngest ask for lunch after that.

I find it extremely funny that the times I'm needed most are when I'm doing something I simply can't leave.  Why are we frazzled as parents?  It's like they have a sixth sense about the goings on in my life and know when I can't put down what I'm doing.

I've called the bathroom the abyss for years.  It's only struck me now that I should put it out there because apparently no matter how old they get it doesn't end.  No one else may find this funny, but I laugh about it several times a day.

If I'm ever feeling lonely I only need to use the bathroom.

New Year, New Adventure

I decided long ago that life is an amazing adventure.  How we view that adventure determines how we react to the struggles and amazingly wonderful things that happen during it.  I admit I don't always react the best way, but I'm working on it.

Last year was a hard time during this adventure.  We had some great things that happened, but often times I found myself struggling with difficult choices, and some things that were not my choice, but the result of others choices.  That is sometimes the most frustrating thing, dealing with things beyond our control.

Last year I'd made some goals.  Every year we do this the first Monday of the new year; we sit as a family and make personal goals for the year, print it on card stock and put it on the fridge where we can see it. One year we didn't put it on the fridge because I'd just never gotten around to printing it and we found that most of the goals that year had not been accomplished.  Every year that we put it up though we find we are able to accomplish most of our goals through the year.  It keeps us focused, putting it up where we can view them and see them all the time.  Even if we don't stop to read them, they are in our mind as we see it posted there.

I had made some goals last year to extend myself and reach out to friends more and let them know I cared.  I wanted to make changes to myself and my character as well. Improvements I felt I needed to accomplish.  So I worked hard.  Though the changes came, they didn't exactly come in the way I thought they would. I've made some changes to the way I think about things and the way I do some things.  I've lost this past year and I've learned.  The best thing is, though things didn't happen the way I'd hoped they would, my family and I are happier and we are closer.  It gives me hope with looking towards this next year.

I'm excited to make my goals this year.  I'm looking forward with eagerness to experiencing this adventure with my family and friends.  I have some amazing friends who have helped me through my changes this past year. I can't express how strong they have been in their support and their encouragement when I got down.  My friends have been the back up support I've needed. They know I'm trying to make changes and they have supported me through them.  That is a lot to ask for and I'm always surprised with their constancy in my life.

My boys are astounding.  They make me laugh and smile when I feel like I just can't go on another minute.  When I am crying they put their arms around me and snuggle.  They seem to know just what I need when I need it and act accordingly.  I'm surprised by their sensitive natures and the way they express that.  They are tough kids and don't usually like me acknowledging that they have a tender side, but they do and I love that they bring it out just when it's needed.

I'm excited that I'm experiencing my 18th year of marriage with Aaron.  When I was a kid I dealt a lot with chronic depression and low self esteem.  I was sure no one would want to be with me and if they did they wouldn't want to stick it out.  I'm still stunned he's here and we'er going strong.  I haven't chased him away and we are better friends now than when we got married.  He listens to me and even if he thinks I'm crazy, he tells me I'm not.   He's been a huge support in 2013 and he will be with the adventure of 2014 as well.

I didn't print Christmas cards last year, ran out of time.  We didn't get our family pictures done either, which is why we didn't print cards.  I did get more presents done for friends and family.  I am already working on Christmas gifts for 2014.  I have to get on it early or it won't get done.  I used to be good at this, but have lost my momentum over the past few years.  Now, it's back. :)

Here's to a new year, a new adventure, new changes, new friends, new lessons learned and new beginnings.  It'll be fun to see how this year goes and if we can accomplish all of our goals.  I'm very encouraged by how the different goals I made last year went. I am hoping I can do even more this year.
Happy New Year to all!!