Being in the NOW

I love Shel Silverstein.  He was very smart. His poetry has something that fits a lot of situations.  This is his poem that used to be my way of being.  Not quite a motto, buy maybe my way of seeing myself:

"PUT SOMETHING IN
 

Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a Mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
'Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world,
That ain't been there before."



I used to have so many of these poems memorized that my baby sister could turn to just about any page and I could be doing something else and still spout off these poems. I'd glance at the title and say the whole poem. Being little she was very impressed at the time.  I would be able to crochet, or do whatever and still be "reading" her Shel Silverstein poems. 

Times have changed a bit.  My siblings are far from being impressed with the way my mind works.  Mostly, at this point they get more annoyed with how my mind works and the crazy stuff that is up there than anything else. Now it's my kids that are amazed and turn pages.  My husband is very impressed as well that I have all this stuff in my head.  Useless nonsense I'll never need.  I'm glad they are impressed.  I'm impressed that Aaron has so many scriptures memorized.  I think that's a lot more impressive than a bunch of poems.

This year I've been working on slowing down and being in the now.  My brother, Larry used to say, when we were kids, that you can never be in the "now" because by the time you've even said the word it's no longer now, it's in the past.  I still laugh about that.  In spite of that thought I've been looking at staying in the moment.

I've had time pass so fast the past few years that they pass like a couple of weeks rather than 52.  I can't get anything done, don't feel like I have time to teach my children anything and feel like I'm missing their  lives as they grow older before my eyes.  My house is  never getting fixed up and plans fall by the wayside more often than I'd like.  Maybe it's because I now have a job and it takes up those few hours in a day when I used to get that done.  I still can't switch to "working mom" mode (which sounds redundant, but you know what I mean).  I'm a stay at home mom with a job on the side in my own mind.  Weird, I know, but it's how my mind works.  I guess my career is my family and raising boys.  My hobby is watching them grow and my stress is feeling I don't have enough time to do all of that before they are older and bigger. 

So I've slowed down.  I'm "smelling the roses" as it were.  I'm taking moments to listen to my children and pause that to-do list that is usually ever present in a mom's mind.  I am looking them in the eye rather than focusing on all the things I'm in the middle of.  I guess thinking that "a watched pot never boils" will make time slow down with the kids as well.  It obviously hasn't slowed time down.  Time moves just as fast.  My days are like moments and my weeks like minutes. 

The thing that HAS changed is that I have more little moments in my heart and I don't feel so rattled.  I'm way less stressed.  I'm just enjoying my career of raising growing boys. I'm taking time to enjoy the blue eyes looking at me like their whole world is dependant on my listening to how their video game went. I'm gaining a longer perspective and staying out of emergency mode.  Being constantly in emergency mode is no way to live and does not help you enjoy life at all.  I am enjoying my children so much more by just laughing again.  I usually do laugh a lot, but now I find myself laughing more.  I am enjoying the madness of raising 5 boys.

Usually I stress about how tomorrow is going to go.  I don't do that as much any more.  My stomach isn't in a constant knot and I don't constantly think everything for the next 5 years has to be done right now.  There is a time and place for everything and if I miss something I should have taught them I can rest assured that life will teach them at some point and I've done all I can do with the knowledge I have at this time in my life.  I can't do everything, but I can do something. I can make sure they go into their adult lives confident and independent.  If nothing else I'll have done that. 

With that being said, my new poem I think of more now is not the same as it was since I was a kid.  Still, it is Shel Silverstein.  He has so many that fit how I think.

"MAGIC
 

Sandra's seen a leprechaun,
Eddie touched a troll,
Laurie danced with witches once,
Charlie found some goblins' gold.
Donald heard a mermaid sing,
Susy spied an elf,
But all the magic I have known
I've had to make myself."

I know I'll miss stuff along the way, but I also know that I can make my life and those around me magical simply by taking the time to be.  I don't have to be something amazing, just me.  I can just enjoy life, and what is more magical than the moments in life that are simply happy moments.  Those moments that fill our hearts.  Those moments when a child looks into your eyes and shares the joy in their hearts, with a look that no words can describe.  The moments filled with laughter of loved ones and the joy of sharing in the laugh together.  Those moments can't happen with the stress of getting the next thing done or worry that I won't get everything done on my to-do list.  It's just as long, and isn't getting shorter, but I'm going to enjoy the journey of getting it done.  It'll get done, or it won't, but I'll have a smile on my face as I go.