Face Me!!!

     I recently had an experience that wasn't a good one.  Well, actually a few experiences.  I've decided since then something I have been thinking for a long time.  This media sensation is wrecking human connections. 

     I have made some people upset in the near past and long past as well which is something that has recently come back to slap me in the face.  I have been texted and statused about and I think it's ridiculous.  I mean, how can people really know how you feel with just typed words.  What ever happened to a face to face (or over the phone at long distances) connection?  Texts are often misinterpreted and status reports, when given vaguely don't let the  person you're really upset with to respond.  Maybe it's not how you see it?

     I realized that people are so caught up in their own views and ideas about the situation that it gets blown up.  In every instance that happened I tried calling and talking with the person.  Without exception my calls were ignored and in one instance my number was completely blocked.

     I have been blamed for things that were completely out of my control, things I believed I was doing right, things other people have made happen and things I didn't even know were going on.  In only a couple of cases was I in reality responsible.

     I hate texting.  It originally was intended (I believe) for the quick conversation.  For an example: "When you coming over?", or, "Be there soon."  I really don't think texting is the best way to let someone know you're upset with them.  I really don't think putting some vague status on facebook is the way to go either.  I hate this with a passion.

     I'm all about people.  I love them.  I think a great conversation is an awesome and filling thing.  For me at least, texting does not fill my connection to people.  I can text with people all day and get a better human connection with a stranger in a grocery store that I'll never see again.  That's just sad that society has chosen to use an electronic device to say how they feel rather than take it to the person so their relationship can be strengthened and made better.

     I feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time now.  I'm waiting for the next person to leave.  I'm just waiting until I say the wrong thing, make everyone mad and have them turn their back, text me they're upset, not let me explain or tell them my point of view and decided that the world in their head is not only the only world, but the ultimately correct one.  I'm really glad the world in my head isn't the real world. It would be wild and crazy.  I really believe people are better than this. 

     I was also thinking that maybe I'm just really intimidating.  I mean, I don't have a problem with a good conversation, even if there's a lot of passion in the heated conversation.  I don't mind having a fired up conversation about something that happened as long as cooler heads prevail.  I'm OK with fighting it out in person or over the phone.  I guess this is what happens when a totally intimidating person insults others.  They are too afraid to say it directly to me.

     I really try to live the, "treat others how you want to be treated."  I don't always succeed, but I try.  I tell people how I feel because I want the same courtesy returned.  If I've upset you or insulted you, call me or face me.  Don't text.  It's the most chicken way out I've ever seen. 

     I've lost friends and family lately and have no idea in some of those cases why.  Just when I thought I was making headway I lose ground and find myself in the same place I started or sometimes worse. 
   
     I can only be myself.  I can't be you, I can't be them, I can't be perfect.  I can only do my best everyday and learn from my mistakes.   I'm trying hard to make some good changes in my life.   These things aren't helpful, just hurtful. These people have taught me that no matter how much I try to change that if I slip at all and miss the mark that they will no be forgiving or helpful, but demand that I do better and they'll stay out of my life until I do.

     Here's a  call out to all of my family and friends.  I wouldn't count you as such if my heart wasn't filled with love for you.  If I didn't like you, you wouldn't be in my life.  I surround myself with good people on purpose.  People who I can grow and become a better person because of knowing them.   If you have a problem with me, face me.  I'm calling you all out if you have issues with me.  How else can I learn and grow? 
 
     Most people who know me well know this about me, some I guess still don't.  I love you even if you don't know me as well as you thought you did.  If you have a question, just ask me.  I have nothing to hide.  My thoughts probably aren't on what happened, just on a million other things I'm trying to do. 

     Face me!!