Blue eyes

Sometimes I like looking into my children's eyes and enjoying the spirit I see within.  They are amazing.  I don't think I'll ever tire of enjoying the person I see within.  The eyes of my children are the most captivating and intriguing things I've ever looked into. I love listening to the stories they tell and trying to see their point of view of the world around them. 

I totally believe that we are raising children in a world that can take them down dangerous and horrible paths.  I am amazed that my children have shown a strength I simply didn't have at their age.  The are clear headed when I watch others their same age confused and with low self esteems. I am often amazed by my children's self esteem and their strength of character.  I'm impressed with my children at more than just a mother's perspective.  They astound me.

I am dreading how fast they are growing, too fast to keep up.  Too fast to hold the many wonderful memories and laughter we share in my mind and heart; yet I look forward to them growing and becoming the men they are meant to become.  I'm dreading the time going by fast, but I'm also excited to see how they deal with their choices and become all that they are supposed to. 

I know I'm not a perfect mom, but I'm perfectly in love with my children.  I could never have imagined loving someone as much as I do them, and I was sure when I married their father that I'd never love anyone more.  I can't believe how much my children have taken over my life, mind, and heart.  I can't believe I don't mind. I like having control and for them to take over everything I am and my day to day should bother me a lot more.  It doesn't. I look forward to them greeting me each morning and hugs every night. 

I look into these blue eyes, so like their dad's and I realize how blessed I am and wonder what I did so right to give me such amazing little blessings.  These boys are wonderful.

In my head

     So I've known something about myself for a long time and I'm now going to tell everyone.  I see things differently than others do.  Even when I do see things the same I usually play the devils advocate and play the other side.  I do that because I can usually see both sides of things.  When I can't is when I get most frustrated because sometimes others views just don't make sense. 
     When I don't get something someone else says I do this mental thing where I take myself out of the situation and kind of see everything with an objective view point.  I'm usually pretty good at this.  I like the movies where they freeze everything, but the main character is still moving, because that's how things go in my head.  It's like on Fiddler on the Roof when he's trying to think of the answer and he moves to the side to think things out, but he's really still facing the people.  I see that way in my head.
     Maybe this is letting too much of my mind out there.  I think differently than others and most of the time get strange looks from other people because in their minds mine doesn't flow in a strait line. They're right.  My mind jumps all around the place.  I don't see things in a strait line, but I do see things in black and white.  I don't see the right and wrong line as misty or as a "grey area".  To me it's either right or wrong.  I don't know if that's a harsh way of seeing things, I know I too have made decisions based on the circumstances rather than what I know to be right.  However, my beliefs stay firm on that. 
     I know everyone thinks differently.  Our minds are our worlds.  I'm sure that's why the scriptures tell us to look outside of ourselves, to serve others and to not concentrate so much on ourselves.  We can get lost in these vast realms called minds.  It's a crazy, vast place that collects all of our hopes, dreams, realities, fears and desires and rolls them into a ball to be used in our daily life.  We could get lost in ourselves and never find our way out again.  We are taught to serve others and loose ourselves in that work so that we realize we're not the only ones here.  Part of my goal this year was to do that better as I get lost in my own head all the time.
     I'm glad to know there are so many varying personalities and minds out there.  What a dull world it would be if we were to all think the same way and not be able to experience other perspectives.  I love the variety of people and am grateful to be surrounded by some of the most amazing.  I'm not sure those who get famous are some of the most amazing people on the planet.  Sometimes I'm pretty sure that some of the most amazing minds out there are people who will never be known except by those who were blessed and lucky enough to know them.  I'm truly blessed.
     So for those who take the time to read this little blog, there's a look inside this crazy head of mine.  Welcome to my world.