When I thought of becoming a mother I also thought into the future. It's fun to think about all the hopes you have for your child. All your dreams for them. All you hope they'll become. Not to mention that they are going to be the most well behaved and amazing child you've ever seen because unlike everyone else you're going to do this right. A new beginning and a wonderful start with this new miracle that you hold in your arms. Looking into the eyes of an angel and seeing heaven right there. You know on earth you'll never be closer than you are right now to holding perfection in your arms.
Then you realized that this perfect angel came with a perfectly stubborn personality all their own. How could you mess up holding perfection in your arms?! Well, suddenly your perfect little angel is perfectly frustrating and perfectly out of control. They cry when they need something they can't communicate any other way, changing diapers constantly and then there's the lack of sleep to the point you get so tired that you can't remember not being tired.
Looking back I now know how much I loved those days. I'm sure I'll look back with a smile at these times too, but sometimes I wonder if I'm going to survive these teen years, or if we all will.
A baby is hard because they can't communicate, but a teen is worse, because they think they are and are only saying half sentences and grunts. Communication is an awesome thing. I feel it's a priceless thing when done well because even if two people disagree on something, if they are communicating well then they won't have animosity or fights because they are just both trying to understand the other. Lack of communication can bring horrible results.
I now have a full on 13 year old and a soon to be 12 year old. However, I'm finding fast that the "teen years" don't exactly come on with a birthday. They come on with the changes and stresses of the mind and body that the child starts not knowing what to do with. There are several transition times during our lives, but the teen years bring so many changes and transitions at one time that it's harder to cope.
In that since I kind of have 3 teens. Joseph has gotten through some of the 1st big milestones, but I find more creep up all the time. Being vigilant with my teen is a constant job. Josh has started some of the same things Joseph has been through, but dealing with a totally different personality is hard because some of the things I did with Joseph to ease him through those first milestones haven't worked with Josh. Jonas is just starting to get more emotional sometimes and look at everyone like an enemy. He's only 9. Wow, they start young.
Thing is, it's not just their personalities I'm working with. It's an up hill road with the technology of today, the expenses and time of that technology, peer pressure they're feeling, and Satan. This war is not an easy one and we'll all come out with a few wounds, but I'm hoping well all come out stronger because of what we've gone through.
Like with every war there may be some casualties. That's my biggest fear that I'll lose some of my children to the ways of the world and the classic wayward teen. So far so good.
Something I've come to realize along this path so far is those stubborn personalities can do some amazing things. As they come to find themselves in the mess of emotions and temptations I'm finding that a few explanations of what they're feeling and why help tons. They don't understand all the time why they feel everyone is against them. To make them laugh I often suggest it's because they're becoming a teen. It gets smiles and they just whine my name. They especially smile when I voice everything confusing they have going on in their head when they don't want to talk about it. I tell them I bet you're feeling like this . . . and then I bet you're now thinking this. . . and it makes them smile that I can pin it down. Then I ask them how they think I know that. I'm not a mind reader, just been there and done that.
I'm finding that putting them to fighting with me is better than them fighting against everything I'm trying to do. They ARE amazing angels. They are fighting a worse fight than I had on my hands at their age. They have strong personalities for a reason, to get through it. I'm finding they are hard workers when they want something done. They are now great at conversations, even if most of those conversations involve talking video games or friends at school. They can express so much more than they used to and it's amazing to see them evolve into young men.
Although this isn't the way my past self saw this parenting thing, and sometimes I still feel them coming with their own personalities puts a crimp on my parenting style, I have amazingly wonderful children that I wouldn't trade for the world (at least most of the time). They are the center of my universe and what is behind every decision I make. They make me laugh, cry, scream, feel like running away, and what keep me here. I've never felt for anyone how I've felt for my kids. They shock me with how much of a gift from heaven they truly are, even if it's not the way I envisioned it back when starting. Most of all, I'm glad that God knew more about what I needed in my kids than I did. I wouldn't be learning so much from "perfect" children. It's better to have perfectly wonderful children the way they are.
Boys of PHB
Barefoot boys
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
New year, January done
It's a new year and I love new years. It gives me a chance to feel like I'm starting over and have a chance to make a new start and do better this time. I'm excited for what this time will hold and look forward to new adventures.
With last year it was fun. We had to buy tons of new things (well, new to us anyway) and we now have our downstairs bathroom almost complete. I'm excited to put the finishing touches on something we've been working on now for almost 3 years. It was such a relief to finish the tiling. I was so glad to learn a new skill.
Which brings me to this year. I've been trying to practice piano for years. If you don't want to do something or get something done there will always be an excuse to find. I want to do piano, but I have this thing that I love knowing stuff, but I don't like to learn. I know that's just crazy, but it's true. Thing is, (and I fully blame my ADHD) I simply don't have the patience to learn. I love the knowing though. So I struggle with the learning because I love the outcome. Piano has been one of those things I've put off and put off. I'm trying to get my kids to practice their instruments and now I'm realizing how hypocritical I've been. I can't expect them to take time from the things they really want to be doing to practice, if I'm also not willing to be somewhat of an example to them by doing the same. I'd rather be doing tons of other things rather than practicing. My mom visited recently though and said she thought it was coming along. I also started learning Spanish.
For someone who doesn't like to learn I feel like I'm back in school. I've decided to dedicate this year to food storage, getting the piano down well (enough to not have to pick out the song) and Spanish so I can communicate.
I just had to find the motivation. With food storage it was a money thing. I realized last year with needing so many things and having to replace them was actually a blessing. It means I'll have more of my tax return this year to purchase things like the food storage. I'm grateful for that and excited to start something. I usually get about a month and then we end up using it. Now, with so many hungry boys it's hard to store anything. My piano motivation came about because at church we need more people who can pitch hit. I may never be great at it, but I can get good enough to pitch hit once in a while. The Spanish was similar. At work we need more people who can communicate with moms who need help with breastfeeding. Although, now with that I'm wishing I could download lots of languages and just be a linguist.
I'm excited for what this year will bring. I look forward to the rest of it with January down and my taxes done. I am feeling positive about things and have found closure with other things. Even though it's just more days ahead, it's the feeling of starting over that has me feeling excited and I'm so glad I have the chance every month and in a bigger way every year to feel this way.
With last year it was fun. We had to buy tons of new things (well, new to us anyway) and we now have our downstairs bathroom almost complete. I'm excited to put the finishing touches on something we've been working on now for almost 3 years. It was such a relief to finish the tiling. I was so glad to learn a new skill.
Which brings me to this year. I've been trying to practice piano for years. If you don't want to do something or get something done there will always be an excuse to find. I want to do piano, but I have this thing that I love knowing stuff, but I don't like to learn. I know that's just crazy, but it's true. Thing is, (and I fully blame my ADHD) I simply don't have the patience to learn. I love the knowing though. So I struggle with the learning because I love the outcome. Piano has been one of those things I've put off and put off. I'm trying to get my kids to practice their instruments and now I'm realizing how hypocritical I've been. I can't expect them to take time from the things they really want to be doing to practice, if I'm also not willing to be somewhat of an example to them by doing the same. I'd rather be doing tons of other things rather than practicing. My mom visited recently though and said she thought it was coming along. I also started learning Spanish.
For someone who doesn't like to learn I feel like I'm back in school. I've decided to dedicate this year to food storage, getting the piano down well (enough to not have to pick out the song) and Spanish so I can communicate.
I just had to find the motivation. With food storage it was a money thing. I realized last year with needing so many things and having to replace them was actually a blessing. It means I'll have more of my tax return this year to purchase things like the food storage. I'm grateful for that and excited to start something. I usually get about a month and then we end up using it. Now, with so many hungry boys it's hard to store anything. My piano motivation came about because at church we need more people who can pitch hit. I may never be great at it, but I can get good enough to pitch hit once in a while. The Spanish was similar. At work we need more people who can communicate with moms who need help with breastfeeding. Although, now with that I'm wishing I could download lots of languages and just be a linguist.
I'm excited for what this year will bring. I look forward to the rest of it with January down and my taxes done. I am feeling positive about things and have found closure with other things. Even though it's just more days ahead, it's the feeling of starting over that has me feeling excited and I'm so glad I have the chance every month and in a bigger way every year to feel this way.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Questions of the heart
I have learned a lot this year. Looking forward to what I can learn next year. What I still don't understand is why learning has to sometimes come at such a great cost. I'm not talking about money cost, I'm talking about emotional and physical cost. I'm talking about why sometimes we have to sacrifice a part of ourselves to learn what we need to and change what we need to. I still don't understand the choices some people make that hurt others so deeply and the reasons why they seem to be happier when they hurt others as they do.
I guess in a lot of ways I see things simply and very black and white. There's a right and a wrong, a good and a bad, a good and an evil, black and white. There are not many grey areas in my mind. I don't see things like that. I simply see things as a right or a wrong. That's not to say there aren't some deep, hard decisions to be made in life. That's not to say there aren't some difficult things to do in life. It's just there is usually a right thing and a wrong thing. Sometimes it's two good things and it's hard, or sometimes two bad things and it's hard, but I rarely find I don't know what to do in a situation.
Now I've learned a lot this year. I've had some good times this year. Last year was hell, and this year was a lot better. I'm so grateful for the things that went on this year. However, this year is ending on a bad note.
I have a real talent for making people mad and for others assuming I'm thinking and feeling one way when I'm not thinking or feeling that way at all. Now I'm at the wrong end of someone else deciding what they've decided and I can't change their mind. I have no way to talk with them and explain myself or what I think or feel about the situation. I've once again had my hands tied, a brick wall placed in front of me and these people laughing at me saying to just get through it.
I don't like impossible situations. I feel seriously that nothing is impossible, unless people make it impossible with stubbornness and willfulness.
I always say life is fair. We've all been given the opportunity to live, laugh and love. We've all been allowed 24 hours in a day, a blue sky above us and air to breath. The only thing that doesn't make things fair is people. People with minds who are determined to believe what they are going to no matter what. People who are determined to control others and have no empathy or sympathy on how they feel. People who go off of looks, not off of the heart.
I've run across a few people like this. I won't say names. They won't realize it's them I'm talking about because from their perspective everyone else is offensive and hurtful. I'm the one who is hurting them and ruining their lives. I've been told by people I love very much that I'm judgemental and horrible. I've been told that I'm an awful person. I've been told that I'm not worthy of them in my life. I've been told that I am not worthy to be with my wonderful nieces and nephews. I've been told a lot of things from people who should know me better and love me more than they seem to that I'm just not willing to believe about myself.
What I believe is that if they gave me time to let them know what I mean they'd understand my heart. They'd understand I'm not trying to hurt them, and they'd love me. My heart aches for those I love and I so crave friendship and love from those around me. My heart has so much in it to share and give. I always think if they just knew me as I want them to, they'd love me and couldn't help but maybe like me also.
I know it's probably not true. I can't make them love me, or even like me. I want them to, and I'd love if they did. I question their intent and wonder if they think they are teaching me a lesson, because all I am understanding with their estrangement and their actions is that they don't know me and don't love me as I love them. Why not?
I guess in a lot of ways I see things simply and very black and white. There's a right and a wrong, a good and a bad, a good and an evil, black and white. There are not many grey areas in my mind. I don't see things like that. I simply see things as a right or a wrong. That's not to say there aren't some deep, hard decisions to be made in life. That's not to say there aren't some difficult things to do in life. It's just there is usually a right thing and a wrong thing. Sometimes it's two good things and it's hard, or sometimes two bad things and it's hard, but I rarely find I don't know what to do in a situation.
Now I've learned a lot this year. I've had some good times this year. Last year was hell, and this year was a lot better. I'm so grateful for the things that went on this year. However, this year is ending on a bad note.
I have a real talent for making people mad and for others assuming I'm thinking and feeling one way when I'm not thinking or feeling that way at all. Now I'm at the wrong end of someone else deciding what they've decided and I can't change their mind. I have no way to talk with them and explain myself or what I think or feel about the situation. I've once again had my hands tied, a brick wall placed in front of me and these people laughing at me saying to just get through it.
I don't like impossible situations. I feel seriously that nothing is impossible, unless people make it impossible with stubbornness and willfulness.
I always say life is fair. We've all been given the opportunity to live, laugh and love. We've all been allowed 24 hours in a day, a blue sky above us and air to breath. The only thing that doesn't make things fair is people. People with minds who are determined to believe what they are going to no matter what. People who are determined to control others and have no empathy or sympathy on how they feel. People who go off of looks, not off of the heart.
I've run across a few people like this. I won't say names. They won't realize it's them I'm talking about because from their perspective everyone else is offensive and hurtful. I'm the one who is hurting them and ruining their lives. I've been told by people I love very much that I'm judgemental and horrible. I've been told that I'm an awful person. I've been told that I'm not worthy of them in my life. I've been told that I am not worthy to be with my wonderful nieces and nephews. I've been told a lot of things from people who should know me better and love me more than they seem to that I'm just not willing to believe about myself.
What I believe is that if they gave me time to let them know what I mean they'd understand my heart. They'd understand I'm not trying to hurt them, and they'd love me. My heart aches for those I love and I so crave friendship and love from those around me. My heart has so much in it to share and give. I always think if they just knew me as I want them to, they'd love me and couldn't help but maybe like me also.
I know it's probably not true. I can't make them love me, or even like me. I want them to, and I'd love if they did. I question their intent and wonder if they think they are teaching me a lesson, because all I am understanding with their estrangement and their actions is that they don't know me and don't love me as I love them. Why not?
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Adulthood
When I was a kid I remember being so nervous about being an adult. I remember wondering how I could ever hold an adult conversation and observing others and defining what made a conversation. I sometimes am still not very good at conversations because I let myself just talk and sometimes even think out loud. No one wants to know what's in my head so I should often keep it to myself. I remember thinking adults were amazing because they knew how the world worked and could figure really hard problems out. I thought it was really cool to be so confident and knowledgeable.
Then I turned 12. I sat in the back of the primary room at church hoping they'd forget my birthday. I didn't want to get big. I wanted to stay little forever. I liked being a kid. I had no desire to know so much, grow so big, have answers to hard puzzles. I didn't want to become an adult. To this day I claim I'm 12. Why get older. I'm with Peter Pan. I'm never going to grow up.
The thing is, somehow along the way, even though I still make tons of mistakes I did grow up and gain wisdom. I'm a lot smarter than I was at 12. I'm still putting tons of things into conversations that probably shouldn't be there, but I have dear friends who have loved me along the way and have learned to laugh at the way I am, which is exactly what I hope for and expect. I somehow am living in an adult world, solving adult problems. I'm paying bills, holding down a job and raising kids (which has got to be one of the most amazing and challenging jobs of being an adult yet). I have to see a bit into the future even and decided where each and every choice will take not only me, but my family as well.
I can't believe sometimes that I'm here. Where did the years go? When did 12 year old Christine turn into 37 year old Christine? I'm still me. I still see the world through kid eyes a lot of the time. I look up at the sky amazed at the color. I look into people's eyes and am amazed that our bodies work like they do and that God built them like He did. I look at a rose and think it's crazy that such a simple thing can make me pause. I love wrestling with my kids. It's one of my favorite things to do. I love being a kid with them. Sometimes I think that I never really grew up the 1st time anyway, I stayed a kid inside so I'd have the chance to grow up with my kids. They are wonderfully amazing and I wouldn't want to miss this chance for anything.
Then I look around me at the other adults. I realize that even though we claim to be adults and have learned a lot over the years, non of us are really adults. We still have tantrums, we still play mind games, we still get jealous over stupid things and take things to heart that others don't mean. We act like children. We get mad when someone touches our stuff, we stop talking to those who make us mad instead of talking things out and we expect everyone else to apologize when we ourselves feel justified in not doing so. We are grown up kids. Life is like the Lord of the Flies. We are big kids let loose and hoping we know what we're doing. Everyday we have choices to make, decisions that will influence those around us. We look for friends and family who will justify how we feel and what we did and how we reacted. We want to be acknowledged as being right all the time.
Is it just the times we live in? Is it just the kids from the 70's and 80's all grown up deciding they will act like this? Maybe it's just the 20's and 30's . . . . the age. I don't know. Maybe this is one of those things where the answer won't come until I'm older. I don't know. I'm all for being a kid, but I've decided I can be a mature kid. I've been telling my children there's a place and time for everything. I've known that my whole life. I'm going to be mature where I need to be and a child when it's time. I can still be myself, I'm just going to remember there's a place and time for everything. There are certain places children aren't allowed. I'll have to keep that in mind.
Then I turned 12. I sat in the back of the primary room at church hoping they'd forget my birthday. I didn't want to get big. I wanted to stay little forever. I liked being a kid. I had no desire to know so much, grow so big, have answers to hard puzzles. I didn't want to become an adult. To this day I claim I'm 12. Why get older. I'm with Peter Pan. I'm never going to grow up.
The thing is, somehow along the way, even though I still make tons of mistakes I did grow up and gain wisdom. I'm a lot smarter than I was at 12. I'm still putting tons of things into conversations that probably shouldn't be there, but I have dear friends who have loved me along the way and have learned to laugh at the way I am, which is exactly what I hope for and expect. I somehow am living in an adult world, solving adult problems. I'm paying bills, holding down a job and raising kids (which has got to be one of the most amazing and challenging jobs of being an adult yet). I have to see a bit into the future even and decided where each and every choice will take not only me, but my family as well.
I can't believe sometimes that I'm here. Where did the years go? When did 12 year old Christine turn into 37 year old Christine? I'm still me. I still see the world through kid eyes a lot of the time. I look up at the sky amazed at the color. I look into people's eyes and am amazed that our bodies work like they do and that God built them like He did. I look at a rose and think it's crazy that such a simple thing can make me pause. I love wrestling with my kids. It's one of my favorite things to do. I love being a kid with them. Sometimes I think that I never really grew up the 1st time anyway, I stayed a kid inside so I'd have the chance to grow up with my kids. They are wonderfully amazing and I wouldn't want to miss this chance for anything.
Then I look around me at the other adults. I realize that even though we claim to be adults and have learned a lot over the years, non of us are really adults. We still have tantrums, we still play mind games, we still get jealous over stupid things and take things to heart that others don't mean. We act like children. We get mad when someone touches our stuff, we stop talking to those who make us mad instead of talking things out and we expect everyone else to apologize when we ourselves feel justified in not doing so. We are grown up kids. Life is like the Lord of the Flies. We are big kids let loose and hoping we know what we're doing. Everyday we have choices to make, decisions that will influence those around us. We look for friends and family who will justify how we feel and what we did and how we reacted. We want to be acknowledged as being right all the time.
Is it just the times we live in? Is it just the kids from the 70's and 80's all grown up deciding they will act like this? Maybe it's just the 20's and 30's . . . . the age. I don't know. Maybe this is one of those things where the answer won't come until I'm older. I don't know. I'm all for being a kid, but I've decided I can be a mature kid. I've been telling my children there's a place and time for everything. I've known that my whole life. I'm going to be mature where I need to be and a child when it's time. I can still be myself, I'm just going to remember there's a place and time for everything. There are certain places children aren't allowed. I'll have to keep that in mind.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Expected vs. Accepted
There is something that I'm working on and what usually brings me trouble or makes me shocked when I find things out about those I love. Why don't things I see on the news shock me? Why don't I feel as bad about things I find out go on in the world? It's not only because I'm not as close to those people, or because I don't love the world. I've come to accept that the world is a certain way and I can't change everything. I can only work on making my little corner of the world better. I'm not capable of changing everyone or everything. I'm only, trying to do my best.
I have a problem with people expecting certain things out of me and then getting mad when I don't perform to their expectations. I would rather everyone just accept that I'm doing my best and trying hard all the time to do better. So why do I do the expectation thing to others? That's just wrong.
Some things have come out lately with several people I've known for years. Some have been friends, some have been family. These things have shocked me and made me re-think things I thought I knew and believed about people. I am still a learning and growing person (hopefully mostly spiritually and mentally). I started thinking that I do this to others when I really want just acceptance from them.
I usually try to look inward towards my own actions before I complain about others. I don't want to have the same problem that bugs me in others so if I find I'm just as bad with something I'll either say that I hate that I do it too, or be aware that I don't do that. I don't like what I saw when I looked into the mental mirror and realized that I expect certain behaviors from those I know.
I have decided to try harder to just accept people for the people that they are. Oh, I'll still complain, I'm sure. I'll for sure still speak my mind and insult everyone. It seems to be my talent in life. I've just decided to accept things from people as they are. I'll be less shocked from the things they do and less disappointed. I am wanting to follow the advise to love the sinner, just not the sin. That's a balance I've had a hard time with. How do you separate something people do from who they are when sometimes they are who they are because of what they do?
I've realized it's as simple as accepting them for who they are and still sticking to my beliefs and standing strong so they know what I believe and that I won't stand by certain things or support it. I can still support someone when they are going through a hard time. I can still support their emotions without being apart of bad choices or behaviors. I can still love their souls and their hearts.
I am determined that I will start accepting people for who they are and what they can become rather than expecting them to be a certain way based on past behaviors or what I thought I knew about them. Previous opinions can interfere with happiness in so many ways.
I have a problem with people expecting certain things out of me and then getting mad when I don't perform to their expectations. I would rather everyone just accept that I'm doing my best and trying hard all the time to do better. So why do I do the expectation thing to others? That's just wrong.
Some things have come out lately with several people I've known for years. Some have been friends, some have been family. These things have shocked me and made me re-think things I thought I knew and believed about people. I am still a learning and growing person (hopefully mostly spiritually and mentally). I started thinking that I do this to others when I really want just acceptance from them.
I usually try to look inward towards my own actions before I complain about others. I don't want to have the same problem that bugs me in others so if I find I'm just as bad with something I'll either say that I hate that I do it too, or be aware that I don't do that. I don't like what I saw when I looked into the mental mirror and realized that I expect certain behaviors from those I know.
I have decided to try harder to just accept people for the people that they are. Oh, I'll still complain, I'm sure. I'll for sure still speak my mind and insult everyone. It seems to be my talent in life. I've just decided to accept things from people as they are. I'll be less shocked from the things they do and less disappointed. I am wanting to follow the advise to love the sinner, just not the sin. That's a balance I've had a hard time with. How do you separate something people do from who they are when sometimes they are who they are because of what they do?
I've realized it's as simple as accepting them for who they are and still sticking to my beliefs and standing strong so they know what I believe and that I won't stand by certain things or support it. I can still support someone when they are going through a hard time. I can still support their emotions without being apart of bad choices or behaviors. I can still love their souls and their hearts.
I am determined that I will start accepting people for who they are and what they can become rather than expecting them to be a certain way based on past behaviors or what I thought I knew about them. Previous opinions can interfere with happiness in so many ways.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Judging
So there are a lot of reasons I believe we shouldn't judge each other, but one reason has come out more and more the past few months. My thinking this way more seriously lately started with my favorite author saying she likes to treat everyone she comes in contact with as if they are having the worst day of their life, cause they just might be.
We never know what is in someones heart and mind. We never know where they are coming from, or what kind of life or hard times have made them think the way they do. We are here to help others and enjoy our time here, learn from our experiences and help others learn and grow and for all of us to become the best we can be.
When I feel judged or when someone says something mean or hurtful I usually usually hate it not only because I'm feeling judged, but also because they are usually just backing up every bad thought I've already had about myself. So I am usually not wanting to say something mean and hurtful to someone because I'm concerned that I'll only be backing up some negative thought they've already had about them self. It's hard to know if they haven't already not only had that thought, but wondered constantly if it was true or not. Then the statement is said and there it is, their negative thought about themselves has just been solidified as a truth when it isn't necessarily true.
I've felt this way. I've thought negative things about myself only to have someone say something later and I take it to heart thinking it must be true now. I've really tried hard in the past few months to change my view of myself. Now there is less negative to take to heart since my mind isn't focused that way anyway.
I do worry sometimes that my sarcasm will hurt feelings and I try to control it and make sure that everyone knows I'm joking and for certain refrain from saying things that could be taken to heart and could hurt. I know I'm going to say things to offend, but I really am not a spiteful, hurtful person and don't like to be the cause of pain.
I am a very opinionated and have strong views of what is right and wrong. I'm certain I've said things that don't make everyone happy all of the time. I'm a work in progress and hope everyone I know will accept that I'm working on it. Though very opinionated I don't judge what others think as something that they shouldn't or something that makes them a bad person. I'll argue and have fights over what I believe, but I don't want to hurt others by my actions. I hope others can feel that through all of my opinions lies someone who loves people and believes we have a heart and it needs to be protected.
Therefore, I've taken to heart to try my best to treat everyone as if they are having the worst day of their lives, because they just might be, That could explain a lot where some people are concerned.
We never know what is in someones heart and mind. We never know where they are coming from, or what kind of life or hard times have made them think the way they do. We are here to help others and enjoy our time here, learn from our experiences and help others learn and grow and for all of us to become the best we can be.
When I feel judged or when someone says something mean or hurtful I usually usually hate it not only because I'm feeling judged, but also because they are usually just backing up every bad thought I've already had about myself. So I am usually not wanting to say something mean and hurtful to someone because I'm concerned that I'll only be backing up some negative thought they've already had about them self. It's hard to know if they haven't already not only had that thought, but wondered constantly if it was true or not. Then the statement is said and there it is, their negative thought about themselves has just been solidified as a truth when it isn't necessarily true.
I've felt this way. I've thought negative things about myself only to have someone say something later and I take it to heart thinking it must be true now. I've really tried hard in the past few months to change my view of myself. Now there is less negative to take to heart since my mind isn't focused that way anyway.
I do worry sometimes that my sarcasm will hurt feelings and I try to control it and make sure that everyone knows I'm joking and for certain refrain from saying things that could be taken to heart and could hurt. I know I'm going to say things to offend, but I really am not a spiteful, hurtful person and don't like to be the cause of pain.
I am a very opinionated and have strong views of what is right and wrong. I'm certain I've said things that don't make everyone happy all of the time. I'm a work in progress and hope everyone I know will accept that I'm working on it. Though very opinionated I don't judge what others think as something that they shouldn't or something that makes them a bad person. I'll argue and have fights over what I believe, but I don't want to hurt others by my actions. I hope others can feel that through all of my opinions lies someone who loves people and believes we have a heart and it needs to be protected.
Therefore, I've taken to heart to try my best to treat everyone as if they are having the worst day of their lives, because they just might be, That could explain a lot where some people are concerned.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Politically Offensive
They all tell us to be politically correct all of the time. Then they say you can't please everyone. My question is, which is it?!
I've decided I've got to offend someone. I'm going to offend some because I'm Christian. I'm going to offend some because I'm Republican. I'm bound to offend people of other nationalities because I'm a Caucasian and an American. I'm going to offend people I meet just because I'm me. I'm going to offend my kids because I'm a mean mom (this I hear more often than necessary).
I've decided I'm not into politics, therefore I can never be politically correct. It just isn't going to happen. I will try not to hurt feelings, because everyone wants to be respected. I want respect. Where respect is due I'm there to give it. This includes giving respect when I disagree with some one's viewpoint. However, it doesn't mean I won't offend them with my differing opinion. I plan on it. I will stand for what I believe, raise my children the way I see fit and enjoy every moment of making people squirm and become upset because I said something totally wrong in their viewpoint.
Sometimes I'll explain myself, and sometimes I won't. Most people don't want to know why you've offended them, they just want an apology and for you to admit you were totally wrong in the way you see things and to finally see it their way. That's when the nod comes into play. It's a way of agreeing to disagree when no more words are needed. I use it when I know they are never going to believe or like what I say because they've decided there is nothing more to be learned by listening to some one's take on something.
I realize that listening to an other's opinion is a good thing because it helps me expand my own. I can grow and change with the best of them. As opinionated as I am, I am in no way close minded. Though I do admit to coming across that way and offending people because they have thought that about me. There I go again.
I'm OK if someone speaks their mind. I'm OK if they don't want to say prayer, because I expect they'll be OK if I do. I'm OK if they don't like something that is important to me, because I expect them to be OK that it is important to me. I don't mind a good argument because it can make for a great exchanging of ideas.
I do have a problem with things like the census. I've noticed that all of the other Americans who were born and raised here are allowed to state their genealogy on there. I still must state my skin color as being white. I'm thinking that if everyone were to be politically correct we could start with me being able to either say I'm American, or to state European American. I mean if a 6 or 7 generation black or Hispanic gets to state where their father's came from, shouldn't I get to?
I feel offended over several issues out there, but I don't go changing everyone else to fit my viewpoint because you simply can't please everyone. It just isn't going to happen. Someone will always be unhappy with something and we're an imperfect people trying to live together on the same planet.
We all need to chill out and agree to disagree listen with our ears and understanding rather than taking every word out of every one's mouth as a direct attack on us. I'm not attacking, I'm just saying.
(Just a side - I wasn't offended by the spell check telling me I'd spelled so much wrong even though I disagree. It was just saying.)
I've decided I've got to offend someone. I'm going to offend some because I'm Christian. I'm going to offend some because I'm Republican. I'm bound to offend people of other nationalities because I'm a Caucasian and an American. I'm going to offend people I meet just because I'm me. I'm going to offend my kids because I'm a mean mom (this I hear more often than necessary).
I've decided I'm not into politics, therefore I can never be politically correct. It just isn't going to happen. I will try not to hurt feelings, because everyone wants to be respected. I want respect. Where respect is due I'm there to give it. This includes giving respect when I disagree with some one's viewpoint. However, it doesn't mean I won't offend them with my differing opinion. I plan on it. I will stand for what I believe, raise my children the way I see fit and enjoy every moment of making people squirm and become upset because I said something totally wrong in their viewpoint.
Sometimes I'll explain myself, and sometimes I won't. Most people don't want to know why you've offended them, they just want an apology and for you to admit you were totally wrong in the way you see things and to finally see it their way. That's when the nod comes into play. It's a way of agreeing to disagree when no more words are needed. I use it when I know they are never going to believe or like what I say because they've decided there is nothing more to be learned by listening to some one's take on something.
I realize that listening to an other's opinion is a good thing because it helps me expand my own. I can grow and change with the best of them. As opinionated as I am, I am in no way close minded. Though I do admit to coming across that way and offending people because they have thought that about me. There I go again.
I'm OK if someone speaks their mind. I'm OK if they don't want to say prayer, because I expect they'll be OK if I do. I'm OK if they don't like something that is important to me, because I expect them to be OK that it is important to me. I don't mind a good argument because it can make for a great exchanging of ideas.
I do have a problem with things like the census. I've noticed that all of the other Americans who were born and raised here are allowed to state their genealogy on there. I still must state my skin color as being white. I'm thinking that if everyone were to be politically correct we could start with me being able to either say I'm American, or to state European American. I mean if a 6 or 7 generation black or Hispanic gets to state where their father's came from, shouldn't I get to?
I feel offended over several issues out there, but I don't go changing everyone else to fit my viewpoint because you simply can't please everyone. It just isn't going to happen. Someone will always be unhappy with something and we're an imperfect people trying to live together on the same planet.
We all need to chill out and agree to disagree listen with our ears and understanding rather than taking every word out of every one's mouth as a direct attack on us. I'm not attacking, I'm just saying.
(Just a side - I wasn't offended by the spell check telling me I'd spelled so much wrong even though I disagree. It was just saying.)
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