I don't really have many heroes I really admire and want to emulate as far as famous people, or anything like that. I don't put people on pillars because everyone is human and everyone has flaws. However, I do very much believe in heroes, princes and princesses.
My son Jonas decided the other day to clean the whole house by himself. It was one of those days that I just wasn't going to. I sometimes just sit down and don't clean like I usually do because it's so discouraging to clean and have it look like you haven't cleaned in years by the next hour (if it takes that long). So I was stunned to find him buzzing through the house and doing so many chores - all without being asked that I couldn't help but praise him over and over.
That is when someone is a hero. Anyone can do amazing things. Amazing things aren't always changing the world, and being a hero doesn't always mean you're being a hero to everyone. Sometimes it's making a huge difference to that one person whose world you change. Sometimes it's doing such a simple thing like cleaning when mom seems so exhausted that she isn't able to that makes the big changes. Jonas doing that made a world of difference to me. I knew for a moment I was noticed and cared for. He doesn't do it all the time, but because he was that awesome I was able to get dinner done that night. The next day I heard him tell his brother he now knew what mom feels like when she cleans the whole house.
I may never be a hero to anyone, but I'm grateful I have heroes in my life that set a good example to me and my family. I'm grateful that my kids are my heroes. They keep me going and give me a reason to not give up when I feel overwhelmed and am not sure I can go on. Aaron is my hero when I've had a nightmare and he's woken up in the middle of the night to hold me. He's taken time out of his day and his to-do list to do the things I want or feel I need done. That's a hero. Someone who does something and most of the time doesn't even know they are doing something amazing.
I have friends I look up to, but not because I think they're better than anyone else. I look up to them and think they are amazing because I've watched them go through a hard time and they've come through on top. Sometimes they have a harder time and that's when I hope I can be there for them. I'm so thankful that my life is filled with people who have learned to overcome and become better because of their trials.
As far as the prince and princess goes. Aren't we all? I tell my boys all the time they are son's of a King. They are son's of a most High God. They are my princes. They therefore need to act accordingly and treat everyone else like they are a prince or princess as well. Especially the girls. I'm so surprised I have such amazing children.
Boys of PHB
Barefoot boys
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Fear of Failure or Success?
One thing I remember my dad telling me is that people often don't move forward with what they want to do, not because of the fear to fail, but of the fear they'll succeed. I agree with this to some degree. With success comes much responsibilities and changes.
I've had a problem that's been going on for 3 years now. The burden of this is completely on my shoulders and no one else. I've been told by numerous people what I need to do, what I should do, and what I haven't done right. I've actually tried to solve this problem several times, but it's one of those things that gets thrown back in my face just when I feel I've come to terms with things again.
In relationships there are at least 2 people involved. Usually only 2 because no one else is really apart of your individual relationship with anyone else. With relationships taking 2 people, then fights also take 2 people, which goes to say that fixing the problem or resolving problems in a relationship also require 2 people. If one person is putting forth all of the effort in the relationship and only one person has decided things need to move a different direction to make the relationship better and only one person has decided to work for that goal, it won't work. It takes both of those people to make changes or to better the relationship, a partnership to better the circumstance.
I've been told several times by various sources that I'm needing to change somethings in what used to be a relationship I had with someone. What no one knows except me and this someone is that I've tried on several different occasions. I may have gone about it the wrong way, and I'm sure I've done a lot wrong, but I know I've tried. It's been thrown back at me all the times I've tried. On a last attempt I tried again a year and a half ago. This person told me in no uncertain terms I was to stay away from them and out of their life.
Now, I had a decision to make. I could have kept trying and kept having them upset with me. I had that choice. I had thought about it. I also had the choice to follow their direction. I'm normally a more forceful person. I'm sure that's one of the things I did wrong in the last conversation, among many other things. I was determined the mess should be handled and we should fix the gap that had been separating us. This person disagreed, very obviously. So with these 2 choices in my hand I decided I was causing myself too much pain and heartache by trying to make someone want a relationship when they so obviously didn't. I took what they said to heart and stayed away.
I guess it goes back to that saying - You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I feel I've tried. It's been put back in front of me recently and I've been told I'm the one dragging this on. I took myself out of the equation and was just starting to find some peace when a new puzzle piece was added. I am certain I can still do nothing to change this person's mind, therefore am still not going to make an effort at this time.
Due to this decision I've been told I'm judgemental and I am dragging this out and holding a grudge. I really don't feel that in my heart, but who's to know what's in someones heart unless they ask. I have resolved myself to let others believe and act as they will. I'm at peace with that. I have been blamed recently also for some other peoples actions and I'm at peace with this too. I know fully I am only responsible for my own actions and my own thoughts and what I do with it all. I'm in no way perfect. I'll never be able to control others or be responsible for their actions, reactions, choices,or decisions. I'm sad I have people who should know me well deciding they know what's in my heart and being so far from the truth. However, I'm fully aware I can't change their minds.
With a brick wall in front of me and my hands firmly secured behind my back everyone was looking at me like they couldn't understand why I hadn't scaled the wall and overcome my binding. I felt it an impossible task so therefore saw a path leading another way and decided to take that path. It wasn't an easy decision. It was quite difficult. I'd gladly go back if I felt there was a chance of success. And yet........
This is where the fear of success comes to play. How could I ever trust that my heart wouldn't be ripped out again? How could I ever trust if we were able to mend the relationship that they wouldn't turn on me in a heartbeat again? How could I trust I'd even have a chance to change their minds when for three years they've kept their affirmation to keep away too? I don't know if I could. Fear of failure with trying again has been a constant companion for years. It's only just now I've realized I also have a fear of success. What if.........
I've had a problem that's been going on for 3 years now. The burden of this is completely on my shoulders and no one else. I've been told by numerous people what I need to do, what I should do, and what I haven't done right. I've actually tried to solve this problem several times, but it's one of those things that gets thrown back in my face just when I feel I've come to terms with things again.
In relationships there are at least 2 people involved. Usually only 2 because no one else is really apart of your individual relationship with anyone else. With relationships taking 2 people, then fights also take 2 people, which goes to say that fixing the problem or resolving problems in a relationship also require 2 people. If one person is putting forth all of the effort in the relationship and only one person has decided things need to move a different direction to make the relationship better and only one person has decided to work for that goal, it won't work. It takes both of those people to make changes or to better the relationship, a partnership to better the circumstance.
I've been told several times by various sources that I'm needing to change somethings in what used to be a relationship I had with someone. What no one knows except me and this someone is that I've tried on several different occasions. I may have gone about it the wrong way, and I'm sure I've done a lot wrong, but I know I've tried. It's been thrown back at me all the times I've tried. On a last attempt I tried again a year and a half ago. This person told me in no uncertain terms I was to stay away from them and out of their life.
Now, I had a decision to make. I could have kept trying and kept having them upset with me. I had that choice. I had thought about it. I also had the choice to follow their direction. I'm normally a more forceful person. I'm sure that's one of the things I did wrong in the last conversation, among many other things. I was determined the mess should be handled and we should fix the gap that had been separating us. This person disagreed, very obviously. So with these 2 choices in my hand I decided I was causing myself too much pain and heartache by trying to make someone want a relationship when they so obviously didn't. I took what they said to heart and stayed away.
I guess it goes back to that saying - You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I feel I've tried. It's been put back in front of me recently and I've been told I'm the one dragging this on. I took myself out of the equation and was just starting to find some peace when a new puzzle piece was added. I am certain I can still do nothing to change this person's mind, therefore am still not going to make an effort at this time.
Due to this decision I've been told I'm judgemental and I am dragging this out and holding a grudge. I really don't feel that in my heart, but who's to know what's in someones heart unless they ask. I have resolved myself to let others believe and act as they will. I'm at peace with that. I have been blamed recently also for some other peoples actions and I'm at peace with this too. I know fully I am only responsible for my own actions and my own thoughts and what I do with it all. I'm in no way perfect. I'll never be able to control others or be responsible for their actions, reactions, choices,or decisions. I'm sad I have people who should know me well deciding they know what's in my heart and being so far from the truth. However, I'm fully aware I can't change their minds.
With a brick wall in front of me and my hands firmly secured behind my back everyone was looking at me like they couldn't understand why I hadn't scaled the wall and overcome my binding. I felt it an impossible task so therefore saw a path leading another way and decided to take that path. It wasn't an easy decision. It was quite difficult. I'd gladly go back if I felt there was a chance of success. And yet........
This is where the fear of success comes to play. How could I ever trust that my heart wouldn't be ripped out again? How could I ever trust if we were able to mend the relationship that they wouldn't turn on me in a heartbeat again? How could I trust I'd even have a chance to change their minds when for three years they've kept their affirmation to keep away too? I don't know if I could. Fear of failure with trying again has been a constant companion for years. It's only just now I've realized I also have a fear of success. What if.........
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Mine
I realized something not too long ago. Something is not truly yours until you've worked for it, cared for it, and in essence made it yours. My boys I call mine, but in truth I'm making them mine. They weren't mine because I gave birth to them, they weren't mine because I paid the hospital and they weren't mine because I wake up every morning and send them off to school.
My boys are mine the same way my house or my car is mine. Sacrificing and hard work are making them mine. I could sit down all the time and do nothing in teaching them right from wrong, do nothing in helping with their education and leaving it to the teachers who my tax dollars are paying, or I can spend the time and energy to help them grow, learn and become the amazing men I know they can be. I can let me house go down hill and never work on it. It's an older house and requires more work than I sometimes want to give, but if I did that then it wouldn't really be mine. It's the sacrifice and hard work that makes something mine or someone else.
They boys can't understand for their life why I want a clean house. They can't understand why I want them to take care of their things. This is why. I have been telling them lately that if they don't care about it they sure are showing me well.
Family, friend, husbands, wives - all require work. They aren't our family until we've worked on those relationships. These aren't my kids until I've put in the hours and effort required to make them mine over the years. That's why marriage and adoption can work. As in "you love those you serve," it is the same with this. My marriage wouldn't be mine if I weren't willing to do what it takes to call it mine. I know this is something that most people pick up along the way long before they're as old as I am. I knew this the whole time. Maybe I just didnt' appreciate it like I do now. So much more is at stake than when I was younger. I could lose so much more now if I'm not willing to keep working on things than when I was a child. However, due to now noticing this years earlier I've missed a lot I should have worked for.
Here on out the priorities are stronger and more reachable. I'm more determined than ever that I'll be worthy at the end to call my family mine and they won't need ask why.
My boys are mine the same way my house or my car is mine. Sacrificing and hard work are making them mine. I could sit down all the time and do nothing in teaching them right from wrong, do nothing in helping with their education and leaving it to the teachers who my tax dollars are paying, or I can spend the time and energy to help them grow, learn and become the amazing men I know they can be. I can let me house go down hill and never work on it. It's an older house and requires more work than I sometimes want to give, but if I did that then it wouldn't really be mine. It's the sacrifice and hard work that makes something mine or someone else.
They boys can't understand for their life why I want a clean house. They can't understand why I want them to take care of their things. This is why. I have been telling them lately that if they don't care about it they sure are showing me well.
Family, friend, husbands, wives - all require work. They aren't our family until we've worked on those relationships. These aren't my kids until I've put in the hours and effort required to make them mine over the years. That's why marriage and adoption can work. As in "you love those you serve," it is the same with this. My marriage wouldn't be mine if I weren't willing to do what it takes to call it mine. I know this is something that most people pick up along the way long before they're as old as I am. I knew this the whole time. Maybe I just didnt' appreciate it like I do now. So much more is at stake than when I was younger. I could lose so much more now if I'm not willing to keep working on things than when I was a child. However, due to now noticing this years earlier I've missed a lot I should have worked for.
Here on out the priorities are stronger and more reachable. I'm more determined than ever that I'll be worthy at the end to call my family mine and they won't need ask why.
Perception
My dad used to say there are three kinds of truth - truth as you see it, truth in advance, and truth as it is. Truth in advance is when you are writing the check for the bill collector who is on the phone and telling him you just mailed it. It's true that the payment is basically in the mail. Truth as it is would dictate that you are going to mail it out as soon as you get out again and off the phone with the bill collector. Truth as it is would be hard to discern. The reason is because truth as you see it gets in the way so much. If there is a car accident in an intersection and four different people are standing in four different places then they will all have a different perception of what happened. Especially different in that accident would be the perspective of the two or more drivers in the accident themselves. It's all true that there was an accident, but the people in the cars are not going to want to say they are at fault because they knew what they were doing at the time. The people on the corners watching the collision could say different things depending on where they stood.
When my boys get into a fight I know they both see it as unfair. Both boys (or even several of them sometimes) see it as the other person's fault. They see themselves as the victim and that they have been unfairly dealt by their brother. I agree. Both are usually being unfair. However, it takes a listening ear and an outside perspective to hear both sides to let both of them know how they are each being unreasonable. The fight in either perspective is truth as they see it. Be it that their brother took a toy from them and they "had it first", or whatever else. They are viewing it from their perspective and therefore it's truth as they see it.
We all have issues with the truth in our heads vs. the truth as it is. I have what I've found to be a unique view point when it comes to some things. I'm able to take myself out of the situation and see it from all angles. Even with this, sometimes it's hard to use it when the truth as I see it comes out in droves. I have some situations that I would like to resolve or fix, but am unable at this point to take myself out of it all and see truth as it is. It's especially hard when the truth as it is is skewed so much by every one's truth as they see it.
I'm very happy with life. I've found peace in many aspects and situations. I've been through some hard things and found myself on top at the end. I want to be a better person and try for the real truth and not just the truth that is in my own mind. If I can remember it's always about the other people I'm around and how they feel, it'll be better. One step at a time. One lesson at a time. I'm grateful for a Dad who always told me that I'll never make all the mistakes I'll have to make in this life to learn all the things I'll need to know. He taught me to learn from other's mistakes and build my knowledge on that as well as my own mistakes. I'm hoping to remember to look at the truth as it is and learn my lessons of truth rather than the truth of my mind. They are much better lessons and much more deeply rooted that way. Now, on to teaching the kids what I've learned.
When my boys get into a fight I know they both see it as unfair. Both boys (or even several of them sometimes) see it as the other person's fault. They see themselves as the victim and that they have been unfairly dealt by their brother. I agree. Both are usually being unfair. However, it takes a listening ear and an outside perspective to hear both sides to let both of them know how they are each being unreasonable. The fight in either perspective is truth as they see it. Be it that their brother took a toy from them and they "had it first", or whatever else. They are viewing it from their perspective and therefore it's truth as they see it.
We all have issues with the truth in our heads vs. the truth as it is. I have what I've found to be a unique view point when it comes to some things. I'm able to take myself out of the situation and see it from all angles. Even with this, sometimes it's hard to use it when the truth as I see it comes out in droves. I have some situations that I would like to resolve or fix, but am unable at this point to take myself out of it all and see truth as it is. It's especially hard when the truth as it is is skewed so much by every one's truth as they see it.
I'm very happy with life. I've found peace in many aspects and situations. I've been through some hard things and found myself on top at the end. I want to be a better person and try for the real truth and not just the truth that is in my own mind. If I can remember it's always about the other people I'm around and how they feel, it'll be better. One step at a time. One lesson at a time. I'm grateful for a Dad who always told me that I'll never make all the mistakes I'll have to make in this life to learn all the things I'll need to know. He taught me to learn from other's mistakes and build my knowledge on that as well as my own mistakes. I'm hoping to remember to look at the truth as it is and learn my lessons of truth rather than the truth of my mind. They are much better lessons and much more deeply rooted that way. Now, on to teaching the kids what I've learned.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Unexpected
I never dreamed I'd have the life I live. I never knew I'd find a man who would love me for who I am, faults and all. I never knew the All Knowing Lord would send me 5 amazing boys who would teach me far more than I'll ever teach them. I never could have thought up all the blessing that are constantly thrown my way. I'm constantly amazed that I've been this blessed and that I have so many people surrounding me that help me be reminded every day how watchful my Heavenly Father is of me and all of us.
I am an undeserving person. I have the most amazing husband who just celebrated 15 years of marriage with me and we're working on a 16th year. I can't believe that I look at him and think that he picked me out of all the rest. I'm astounded that he would stick with me through all of the things we've gone through. It hasn't all been easy, but loving him and the boys has been. He is an easy man to love and a patient and giving soul. I don't like to think about where I'd be without him.
My boys keep me on my toes and make me have to run like crazy getting everything done, but I wouldn't trade my crazy everyday life for anything in the world. My boys are making me learn and grow in ways I would never have thought I could. I've been pushed over my limits so many times and really believed at the moment that I'd not be able to do it or get through it. Then I find at the end of the moment that it was all worth it and I came through unscathed and even better for the journey and trial. I know it sounds emotional and mushy, but I say it all with a smile on my face and thoughts of excitement when thinking about how much they've helped me grow.
With that in mind I've learned something my parents tried to instill in me all my growing up years. When you think you can't, you're right. There are NO limits. The sky isn't the limit, there are no limits. You CAN do whatever you want, dream or are determined enough to make happen. I've built bridges across those chasms I was sure I'd never cross. I've built ships to sail across oceans full of storms and was sure I'd drown at the time. I've build hot air balloons that have helped me float above the stress of the moment and helped me get to the other side of the issue. I look down and realize I'm still here in the calm of the storm and I'm not destroyed. I'm alive, well and stronger because I had boys to teach me things I couldn't have learned otherwise.
I love telling people I'm the mother of 5 boys. I get the most amazing responses. I love when people tell me they knew someone with 8 boys. There are the ones who look at me like that's the most amazing thing. The comment that I've only heard twice, but makes me think the most is "there is a special place in heaven for people like you." Why? I'm not doing anything special. I'm just here. I'm just a mom like so many others. The difference is I'm selfishly using my children to better myself and glean what I can from them before they fly away to have their own families.
Having 5 boys isn't a trial, it's a blessing that can't be described. My crazy run, run every day life keeps me busy. I hope I'm always this busy. Life goes by fast, but I don't think I'd be a good person if I wasn't constantly learning and doing something.
On the other hand, the unexpected moments of peace and calm, when the boys are listening to me read, or one climbs up for a snuggle (very rare indeed), are the most pleasant times. Deep breaths in and a sweet boy to hold for a bit. My life has been an unexpected miracle and I'm grateful for the crazy times as well as the unexpected joyous moments of peace that will always be a treasure.
I am an undeserving person. I have the most amazing husband who just celebrated 15 years of marriage with me and we're working on a 16th year. I can't believe that I look at him and think that he picked me out of all the rest. I'm astounded that he would stick with me through all of the things we've gone through. It hasn't all been easy, but loving him and the boys has been. He is an easy man to love and a patient and giving soul. I don't like to think about where I'd be without him.
My boys keep me on my toes and make me have to run like crazy getting everything done, but I wouldn't trade my crazy everyday life for anything in the world. My boys are making me learn and grow in ways I would never have thought I could. I've been pushed over my limits so many times and really believed at the moment that I'd not be able to do it or get through it. Then I find at the end of the moment that it was all worth it and I came through unscathed and even better for the journey and trial. I know it sounds emotional and mushy, but I say it all with a smile on my face and thoughts of excitement when thinking about how much they've helped me grow.
With that in mind I've learned something my parents tried to instill in me all my growing up years. When you think you can't, you're right. There are NO limits. The sky isn't the limit, there are no limits. You CAN do whatever you want, dream or are determined enough to make happen. I've built bridges across those chasms I was sure I'd never cross. I've built ships to sail across oceans full of storms and was sure I'd drown at the time. I've build hot air balloons that have helped me float above the stress of the moment and helped me get to the other side of the issue. I look down and realize I'm still here in the calm of the storm and I'm not destroyed. I'm alive, well and stronger because I had boys to teach me things I couldn't have learned otherwise.
I love telling people I'm the mother of 5 boys. I get the most amazing responses. I love when people tell me they knew someone with 8 boys. There are the ones who look at me like that's the most amazing thing. The comment that I've only heard twice, but makes me think the most is "there is a special place in heaven for people like you." Why? I'm not doing anything special. I'm just here. I'm just a mom like so many others. The difference is I'm selfishly using my children to better myself and glean what I can from them before they fly away to have their own families.
Having 5 boys isn't a trial, it's a blessing that can't be described. My crazy run, run every day life keeps me busy. I hope I'm always this busy. Life goes by fast, but I don't think I'd be a good person if I wasn't constantly learning and doing something.
On the other hand, the unexpected moments of peace and calm, when the boys are listening to me read, or one climbs up for a snuggle (very rare indeed), are the most pleasant times. Deep breaths in and a sweet boy to hold for a bit. My life has been an unexpected miracle and I'm grateful for the crazy times as well as the unexpected joyous moments of peace that will always be a treasure.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Nicole and Mr. Nash
When I was in kindergarten I had a teacher who simply didn't like me. She was an older woman and would hit, pinch, and humiliate me as often as possible. In this class was a fellow student who noticed what was going on. Nicole. I wish now I knew her last name and could find her. Somewhere out there is a woman who saved me as a girl. She noticed how the teacher treated me and defended me when the boys laughed after the teacher slammed my head down on the desk. I had trouble counting to 100, but was told by the teacher that I wouldn't be able to move onto 1st grade unless I got this down. She had a large abacus and made me stand in front of the class and count the beads to 100. Nicole knew I had trouble with moving from the 9 in a number to the next set. She mouthed the words to me from sitting on the floor with the other students watching me. The teacher put so much pressure that I'd sometimes mess up on the numbers I already knew. In front of the whole class I stood there and pretended to think while my friend mouthed the numbers to me to help me pass. Cheating? Possibly. I still see it as a young girl saving my heart and spirit when I felt so scared, nervous and humiliated in front of everyone. Today she still has dear part in my heart and soul whom I wish I could find and thank. She'll never know what she did for me. She got me through kindergarten, which looking back is still the worst year of my schooling.
Years later in high school there was a rule that if we didn't run the mile in a certain amount of time then we wouldn't graduate. I could pass all of my classes, but running the mile was something my body just couldn't do. I tried and tried. I would get about 1/4th done and end up in an asthma attack. I love to run. I simply can't do it. My lungs close up and I struggle to breath. They put me with a special teacher named Mr. Nash. He was to make me pass the mile so I could graduate one day. The problem was always the time limit. So on our last day in that class he said he'd give me and a friend - who also struggled with asthma and was the same pace as I was - the rest of the period to get the mile done. We'd run some and we'd walk some. At the end we heard the bell and were almost in tears as we got done with our 3rd lap, knowing we didn't finish and that we couldn't walk another if we tried. We were both wheezing and strained. We stood there in front of him waiting for him to tell us we'd failed. He said instead that we'd passed. We looked at him as best we could, stunned, while doubling over to catch our breath. We couldn't believe it. My friend still couldn't speak so I protested saying, "but we didn't finish!". He looked at me and said, "What did I tell you when you started?" I responded, "you told us to do our best." He asked if we did. We looked at each other, then at him and said seriously, "yes." He looked at us just as seriously and said, "that's all I asked, you pass."
I may have not been the best at everything. I did learn how to count to 100 when I got into 1st grade and didn't have the pressure on me. I still can't run very far without my lungs closing in on me, but I love to run short little distances. A few paces now and then. I will always remember the kindness that these two people showed. There are many people in my life who have changed me and my life by a simple word or gesture they probably didn't think about ever again. Great changes and amazing things happen sometimes when someone just does something simple. I will always love the story of Rosa Parks because she was just too tired to move. Look how much came about just because she'd worked hard that day. It was such a simple thing that made a world of difference. I have been blessed to be surrounded by people who make a difference.
I have 5 boys and a husband now who daily make a difference in my life. They are my family. My extended family I'm not so close to. I wish I was. They have likewise influenced me in more ways than they know. My boys teach me something daily. I'm not in college like a lot of my friends at this time. I'm learning different lessons and expanding the love in my heart. I'm constantly learning about how far a love can stretch and how much people can learn. I'm a believer in change and 2nd chances ( even 70th chances for I've been given that too). When thinking about what I want to be and who I want to become I just want to be someone who has helped someone in some small way. Maybe they won't even remember, but I'd like to know I made a difference to someone. I'd like to be a Nicole or a Mr. Nash. The world has too few.
Years later in high school there was a rule that if we didn't run the mile in a certain amount of time then we wouldn't graduate. I could pass all of my classes, but running the mile was something my body just couldn't do. I tried and tried. I would get about 1/4th done and end up in an asthma attack. I love to run. I simply can't do it. My lungs close up and I struggle to breath. They put me with a special teacher named Mr. Nash. He was to make me pass the mile so I could graduate one day. The problem was always the time limit. So on our last day in that class he said he'd give me and a friend - who also struggled with asthma and was the same pace as I was - the rest of the period to get the mile done. We'd run some and we'd walk some. At the end we heard the bell and were almost in tears as we got done with our 3rd lap, knowing we didn't finish and that we couldn't walk another if we tried. We were both wheezing and strained. We stood there in front of him waiting for him to tell us we'd failed. He said instead that we'd passed. We looked at him as best we could, stunned, while doubling over to catch our breath. We couldn't believe it. My friend still couldn't speak so I protested saying, "but we didn't finish!". He looked at me and said, "What did I tell you when you started?" I responded, "you told us to do our best." He asked if we did. We looked at each other, then at him and said seriously, "yes." He looked at us just as seriously and said, "that's all I asked, you pass."
I may have not been the best at everything. I did learn how to count to 100 when I got into 1st grade and didn't have the pressure on me. I still can't run very far without my lungs closing in on me, but I love to run short little distances. A few paces now and then. I will always remember the kindness that these two people showed. There are many people in my life who have changed me and my life by a simple word or gesture they probably didn't think about ever again. Great changes and amazing things happen sometimes when someone just does something simple. I will always love the story of Rosa Parks because she was just too tired to move. Look how much came about just because she'd worked hard that day. It was such a simple thing that made a world of difference. I have been blessed to be surrounded by people who make a difference.
I have 5 boys and a husband now who daily make a difference in my life. They are my family. My extended family I'm not so close to. I wish I was. They have likewise influenced me in more ways than they know. My boys teach me something daily. I'm not in college like a lot of my friends at this time. I'm learning different lessons and expanding the love in my heart. I'm constantly learning about how far a love can stretch and how much people can learn. I'm a believer in change and 2nd chances ( even 70th chances for I've been given that too). When thinking about what I want to be and who I want to become I just want to be someone who has helped someone in some small way. Maybe they won't even remember, but I'd like to know I made a difference to someone. I'd like to be a Nicole or a Mr. Nash. The world has too few.
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